Females really do have a “woman’s intuition,” so if you suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you, it is best not to ignore your feelings. Facing up to the possibility and having an adult discussion may not lead to the happy ending you were hoping for, but a reality check can help you avoid prolonged uncertainty and misery. Fortunately for you, there are many tell-tale signs that can indicate that you have a cheater on your hands, or just a tired or overworked boyfriend.
Get on the Same Page about Cheating
Before you make any accusations about cheating, think about what you consider to be cheating behavior and ask yourself if he agrees. You may think that dancing with another woman is cheating, but he may feel he is only having some innocent fun. While many women would consider buying gifts, kissing and holding hands is inappropriate behaviour, there are some gray areas. Is he cheating if he spends time with another woman outside of the office, even if it is work related? What about flirting in your presence? And then there is the whole issue of online contact. Phone and cyber sex may be a definite no-no, but what about emailing and texting? If his behavior is not acceptable to you, tell him so and see what happens. He may simply apologize and act differently.
Check out the Signs
You decide to trust your instincts and investigate further to see if your significant other is cheating. Begin by paying attention to obvious signs that his attention is elsewhere, and signs that are not so obvious.
- Looking Good
Your boyfriend always looked a little scruffy, but that is part of what you love about him. You always had to remind him to get a haircut or throw out that worn pair of sneakers. But lately, he seems to be taking better care of his appearance and he always seems to be looking in the mirror. He seems to be transformed by new clothes and a new attitude. Is this a sign that he is cheating? Could be!
- Working Late
Your boyfriend finds reasons to stay out of the house, and insists that he has to work late more often. Suddenly, in addition to late nights in the office, there are after-hours meetings and business trips. He may be working late to pay the bills or to buy you something special, but if he is really working the additional hours should be reflected in his take home pay.
- Check the Charges
Cheating can be a lot of work, and sometimes the cheater gets sloppy. Every once in a while, really go through the charge card bills and bank statements and see what you come up with. Charges at a jewellery store, lingerie shop or high end restaurant require an explanation.
- Eating Light
If he seems to push his food around on the plate more than putting it into his mouth, it may be a sign that he has already enjoyed a satisfying dinner somewhere else, possibly with someone else. Make plans to meet for lunch during the day, and plan some date nights in the evening. If he makes all kinds of excuses, you may have a cheater on your hands.
- He Doesn’t Care if you Flirt
While every relationship is different, most guys are very possessive of their girlfriends and would display some level of jealousy if you flirted with another man in his presence. If he acts as if he could care less, something could be wrong. It could be that his affections are with someone else.
- Avoiding Certain Places
Your boyfriend may suddenly have a strong negative reaction to going to a neighbourhood restaurant that is really just a little sandwich place, or he may refuse to go into a store you want to stop into. It may be that he takes another girlfriend to these places, and doesn’t want to bump into her or offer an explanation to the waiter or salesperson.
- Mood Swings
Is he happy when he leaves in the morning and sad, withdrawn or angry when he comes home? Does he pick fights with you so he can leave the house? Think about it. This can be a sign of trouble.
- Electronic Secrecy
All of a sudden, you notice that you do not have access to his emails, Facebook account or search history. He texts you back instead of answering your phone calls. He doesn’t answer the phone when it rings sometimes, and if he does, he walks out of the room. When you discover him on the computer, he closes chat rooms and opens up new email accounts that you cannot access. All this secrecy can make you wonder why you are out of the loop.
- Take the Hint
A strong hint of an impending breakup because of another woman is a boyfriend who drops hints that he is not happy in your relationship. He may subconsciously compare you to the other girlfriend and expect you to behave the way she does. Signs that this is happening are his becoming angry for no reason at all and escalating every little misunderstanding.
- False Accusations
As strange as it may seem, he may accuse you of cheating. This classic sign is typically the result of the guilt he is feeling for seeing someone else behind your back. Calmly ask him for evidence and ask him why he feels this way.