So you’re thinking of getting back together with your ex, and you’re wondering if that’s a good idea. Before you jump the gun and send out that, “I miss you” text, give yourself a minute and reevaluate the situation, keeping a few things in mind.
Are You Lonely?
A lot of people will find themselves in a rut after a breakup. It’s natural to be lonely and yearning for someone. The thing is, you’re just fresh out of a relationship and not exactly in the best state of mind to be making decisions. Even weeks and months removed, if you don’t take time to reevaluate yourself and what you want, you’ll find yourself right back in the same place, in the same relationship, doing the exact same things that caused a break up in the first place. You have to be honest with yourself before making any rash decision to know if you’re actually ready to try again, whether that’s with your old partner or going out and finding love elsewhere. That last thing your ex wants, the last thing you should want, is to be back in a doomed relationship.
Before you make the decision, a very personal decision, that at the end of the day is solely your own to make, you can consult your friends. Your friends, if you know you can trust them, have your best interests at heart. They most likely have been witness to your relationship and can vouch if your decision to go back would be a good one or not. They’ll be able to let you know if your partner was toxic, or if they’re confident they can be honest with you, to help you be a better person, they can tell you if it was your fault for the severed relationship. Your friends would have been there for the breakup, so why not seek their support and advice when you are reconsidering the relationship and whether or not to start things up again.
What Ended Things
If you’re thinking about going back to an ex, whether you broke up with them or they broke up with you, you need to recognize and identify what ended the relationship in the first place. Was it something you can fix? Or is it something you can see yourself forgiving? If the answer is no, you should definitely not get back together with your ex, because holding feelings of disdain for someone may be something you cannot get passed no matter how hard you try. Getting back together with an ex is about admitting to your mistakes, and being able to grow together. If one of you is still stuck in the past, the second time around won’t last very long.
The time apart will help you know if you are actually interested in a relationship. Many people will find that they fill up their time with new and old passions alike. If you find that you’ve rekindled a passion for something in your past, perhaps a career or hobby, you may not have the time to dedicate to your old relationship. If the time has come where you were able to grow on your own, you can try and see if they can compliment your life.
The Same Love
If you two decide to try and rekindle things again, are you able to find that same passion and love you once had? If The two of you are still in love, you basically need to be honest. Sometimes, the time spent apart can affect how someone feels about another person. Sometimes you realize how you can be without each other and if one person doesn’t feel 100% about getting back together, and just does it on a whim, they will be left second guessing themselves. This will leave the relationship on thin ice, and won’t hold strong in the sight of a problem.
Did You Change
And as much as the love needs to be the same, you as individuals need to know that you changed. You need to change for the better, to make sure the mistakes you made the first time around don’t happen again. And if both individuals changed and have grown, then the relationship will grow. Sometimes, the second time around lets you understand each other’s wants and needs, and makes you both more capable of compromise. If you haven’t changed and are not stuck in your ways, you will be more confident in each other to make it through the long haul.
The biggest thing to consider when thinking about rekindling things with an old flame boil down to how you feel, and not in a single moment. It comes down to how you truly feel if you are honest with yourself. Can you both put in the effort to make it work? If you can, you both and the relationship itself, will be all the better for it.