6 Tips to help you become an Emotionally Available Lover

Has your partner ever labeled you as emotionally unavailable? If your answer is yes, we can bet that you didn’t get there on purpose. However, this is a very common issue among couples.

Being emotionally available is very important for your relationship to thrive. The problem is that so many things distract us that we sometimes lose touch with our partners. Asides getting so busy, you might just be scared of commitment so you don’t get heartbroken.

Let’s check out ways to help you stay emotionally available to your lover.

Effective tips to be emotionally available in your relationship

Closely consider your beliefs

For some people, they stay away and remain unavailable because of how they perceive themselves. You know that feeling of unworthiness because of past deeds or how great you think your partner is? Exactly.

It is possible to feel that your partner will push you away once they know who you really are. However, it is seldom so. Why not do away with these beliefs and see yourself as a worthy partner? A good way to start is by sharing your beliefs with your spouse, talking always helps.

Choose to perceive your partner’s feelings and needs as equal to yours

You probably feel superior or your needs and feelings matter more. Well, in some instances they may, but not all the time. There is a place for creating a balance that comes with compassion and empathy.

Find out what your partner needs or how they feel about a certain issue. Truth be told, it is not always convenient, especially when you have a contrary view.

However, you can bend a little, make a compromise, and become unselfish. Once you start to show some care for their feelings and needs, they’ll come closer and open up more.

Be an open book

One of the ways to know that you are emotionally unavailable is when you start to keep secrets. This is very unhealthy for your relationship, no matter how much justification you have for your action. So what if you like to use a realistic dildo? That’s your sexual preference and should be shared with your spouse.

Being secretive opens the door to having a backup plan for your relationship. The more secrets you keep, the more distant you are likely to be. Soon, you’ll start catching feelings for someone else. Why? When you keep secrets from your partner, you always need a place to let it out.

This is why you have to be completely transparent. Transparency sometimes entails allowing them access to your text messages, social media chats, and emails. Difficult, right?

Yes, it is but it is very helpful. This way, you can free yourself from the shackles of past mistrust, betrayal, and hurt.

Create time to be with your partner

At the initial stages of your relationship, all that mattered was spending time with your partner. You wanted to see every movie together, share a meal, talk about your day, and even play fight. It was so much fun.

Now, it seems like that was a lifetime away. Why? There are more important things to do like work, spending time with the guys (or girls), or something that feels more interesting. Most of the time, your reasons are genuine.

When you are in a relationship, what should be your top-most priority? Your partner. Kids may be on the same level if you have any. It is not enough to tell your partner that your care and they are your top priority. Talk is cheap.

You need to show it with every action. The words might comfort your partner but they’ll soon lose essence without corresponding action. There are no two ways about it, you need to create time to be with your partner.

You can’t avoid calls or ignore messages until you feel you are ready. Focusing on your needs alone is not an option. Your partner always needs reassurance of your love and you have to always give it. Giving time to your partner assures them of the security of the relationship.

Take responsibility for how you feel

Human beings are emotional beings. We get even more emotional when we are around people we love or care a lot about. This means that you are likely to get angry, jealous, or be hopelessly in love.

The last point is great and it is very easy to take responsibility for that. Where the challenge comes in is when we have to express negative emotions. It is very easy to exploit your partner’s weaknesses when you are angry or you have an outburst.

You know them in and out so you are likely to say very hurtful things that will hit them at the core. It is not right to exploit your partner’s vulnerabilities, when you do, one of you becomes distant.

You can’t always threaten to leave because there’s an issue and you didn’t get your way. Avoid personal attacks or bullying. The best way to handle issues is to be responsible for how you feel. Never fight dirty but settle matters in love.

Commit to communication

We all have our deepest fears. There is a tendency to keep them where they are, in our minds. While this is convenient, it is unhealthy for your relationship.

Being in a relationship is beyond physical touch, it requires communication, lots of it. Share your dreams and fears with your partner, tell them what could be your biggest undoing. Never be scared of being vulnerable with your partner.

Knockdown that emotional wall that separates you from your partner to make it easy for them to know you. The more of you they know, the easier it will be to stay together. Don’t suffocate, tell them how you feel so you can breathe.


Doing all of these requires you to invest time in building emotional skills. This is the only way to be emotionally available. Whatever the case is, learn to be a better listener and avoid being judgmental. What other tips do you have up your sleeves?